My Big 5 Digits

Very recently, I achieved 10,000 hits on my blog.

I didn’t write anything to mark the occasion initially because I try to space out my posts to give as much time as possible for my followers to study and meditate on the last one. I’d rather take longer on posts and receive worship feedback and discuss each issue, than just be prolific.

I started this blog back on Myspace as a way to rant over things I felt seriously about. As it became more popular though, I was encouraged by a protégé of mine to use WordPress for my blog. I did, and although the uptake was slow, the blog has really taken off in the last few months, with particular incoming traffic arriving from online Carnivals, fellow bloggers, or search engines. It’s only a matter of time before the Church of Evanescence achieves tax-exempt status (the coming-of-age celebration for any religion), but when that happens, rest assured I will still post articles (just from the comfort of a laptop on my private jet).

As a result of the increase in traffic and feedback, I’ve felt a responsibility to reduce the rants and language, and increase my seriousness and ‘professionalism’, if that’s the right word.

It is a time-consuming endeavour to research and write new articles about three times a week, but it is gratifying to receive comments and feedback, and that makes it worthwhile. After all, if I was just going to churn out regurgitated bilge three times a week to bore everyone, I’d have just named my blog “The Watchtower”.

Not all the feedback has been positive, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve had people praising me, disagreeing with me, making me pull my hair out (you know who you are!), or even calling my blog boring and uninspiring.

It’s not about who agrees with me or not though. What matters is that everyone who’s ever criticised my blog will be tracked down and killed by the Elite Guard of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy. Yes, that means you! We know who you are. Or did you think you could challenge the great Atheist Lie without consequence?!

In an unabashed act of vanity, I’d like to mention some disciples of the Church of Evanescence (the greatest atheist religion in the whole of the EAC, and if you don’t agree you will be torn apart by she-bears). This is my way of giving something back to the little people who will be joining me in the Afterlife of Lesbos, after we drink of the magical elixir known as Dom Est Os:

Spanish Inquisitor ; Darren; Pink Prozac; Cragar; Joe; januarys; polishpress; Geno; D; Jon Featherstone

(I should add now that anyone who comments on my blog is an automatic member of the Church of Evanescence, and indeed the EAC.)

Also, a special thank you to my left-hand-man and Principle Kitten Executioner, Tobe. Proving once and for all that those who drink baby’s blood aren’t all big softies, Tobe’s pedantic proof-reading and grammar correction is a constant source of nightmares, and the most likely cause of a nervous twitch I’ve developed where I blurt out: “it’s ‘I’ve gotten sugar’, not fucking ‘got’!!”, at random intervals in the day. This can be most unfortunate when you’re making your boss a cup of coffee.

Finally, a special thank you to the person who makes all things possible: Satan. Without you, we’d still be living in a paradise, surrounded by beautiful naked women who never age and have no knowledge of right and wrong. You bastard!

EAC

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19 Responses to “My Big 5 Digits”

  1. Darren Says:

    You may also take credit/blame for inspiring me to start a blog.

    http://acriticalmass.wordpress.com

    Keep up the good work!

  2. evanescent Says:

    I’ve just read your first post Darren and commented on it!

    Tobe will be pissed though! His blog “A Load of Bright” is no longer the top entry on my Blogroll! He he.

  3. Darren Says:

    Thanks e. Took me a while to work out how to switch off the moderation! I’m new at this, so I won’t be as prolific at first, I think. Still, I have a list of topics I want to address, so I ought to get cracking!

    Oops. Sorry Tobe. (I haven’t worked out how to alphabetise my blogroll yet, either. I’m such a noob. 🙂 )

  4. tobe38 Says:

    Nice post, Brother Evanescent. Beware though, you may outrank me now, but don’t forget how promotion works in the EAC…

    @ Darren,

    Damn you for knocking me off the top spot! 😉 You should find that your blogroll lists in alphabetical order automatically. Most do, which is why it’s good to have a name that begins with ‘A’.

    If you’re having trouble getting started, I wrote a list of tips you may find useful.

  5. cragar Says:

    It’s nice to be a disciple!

    I have been the busiest I have been at my job in 4 years, so I am falling behind on my own posting. But I am still reading regularly when I get the time.

    @tobe–When I made my title I didn’t even realize how valuable it would be by starting with an “A” on getting on blogrolls. We could change our blogname to “AAA Atheism”, that should keep us on the top!

  6. jonfeatherstone Says:

    LOL.
    I’m truly honored to be named a member of your ranks – one of the 143.5 thousand (a bit taken off for taxation purposes). Keep up the good work – we are getting through to them! Arduous I know, but someones gotta’ do it.
    Now that I’m a member of your church, does that mean I at last have the one true doctrine of life the universe and everything. And does this church have a pope or something? I assume that must be you of course 🙂 Let me know if you are planning any crusades to go and pillage some heathens who still live in unenlightened darkness – we could all use a bit of spare pocket money.
    Peace!
    Jon

  7. evanescent Says:

    Hi Jon,

    the Supreme Authority of course is myself. As I like to say, don’t think of me as your ultimate sovereign, but know that I am.

    We have some crusades planned, which is where our infiltration of all government and science comes in. Why do you think evolution came out of nowhere a hundred years ago? Mwahahaha, no one saw that coming! As if life could just pop into existence out of nothing! Those fools will buy anything!

    The more we keep milking the innocent though, the richer our coffers will get. As a member of the Evanescent Council Jon, you get shareholder dividends!

  8. D Says:

    You closed comments on the post we were debating on, evanescent. I’m sure that it was because you don’t want us prove you wrong before you write your post.

  9. evanescent Says:

    That’s it, D. You got me! I was a fool to think you wouldn’t see through my evil plan!

    Let’s see if you’re that confident after reading my next article. Remember now, you’ve maintained that god or his followers never committed evil acts in the bible. You also promised to follow logic wherever it led, remember?

  10. D Says:

    You got me! I was a fool to think you wouldn’t see through my evil plan!

    You are such a know-it-all. You obviously think yourself superior to Christians. This is why atheism has never been attractive; almost all atheists I’ve met are pessimistic, rude, and arrogant beyond belief.

    Let’s see if you’re that confident after reading my next article. Remember now, you’ve maintained that god or his followers never committed evil acts in the bible. You also promised to follow logic wherever it led, remember?

    I stand by my statements that God never committed an evil act, and His followers never committed an evil act with God’s consent (His followers HAVE committed evil acts, but no one’s perfect (not even you)).

  11. evanescent Says:

    This is why atheism has never been attractive; almost all atheists I’ve met are pessimistic, rude, and arrogant beyond belief.

    Not attractive to you maybe, but to people who respect logic and truth, it is attractive.

    I stand by my statements that God never committed an evil act, and His followers never committed an evil act with God’s consent (His followers HAVE committed evil acts, but no one’s perfect (not even you)).

    Read my latest article My Affidavit, and then see if you stand by that statement. If you do, then you have no morality, and logic means nothing to you, because the only thing you care about is your beliefs and not being wrong. Now that is arrogant.

  12. Spanish Inquisitor Says:

    I missed this thread too. Damn! Where have been? Another good post, and so snarky, I love it!

    D said:

    You are such a know-it-all. You obviously think yourself superior to Christians

    Actually, that’ a non-sequitur, D. There was nothing ever said on this blog, that I’ve read, that indicates that we atheists think we are superior to Christians, or any theist for that matter, (except perhaps those wackjobs at Westboro Baptist Church).

    Now, we do think that atheist thinking is superior to Christian thinking, with regard to the question of the existence of god, but speaking for myself, I don’t look down my nose at Christians because I don’t think they use their brains appropriately. The still have the same ability for critical thinking, reason and logic as I do, and I hold out hope that some day they will see their way through their childhood indoctrination, and learn how to put it to good use. One can only hope. The existence of our species demands it.

  13. D Says:

    Span.

    There were plenty of implications that evanescent consideres him/herself superior to Christians. At least that’s the message I received.

    Don’t worry, I am a Christian that is putting his brain to much better use than evanescent or so it appears to me. I’m an analytical thinker, and I think more than anyone should, and although that can be a bad thing in some instances, it is a wonderful thing in the area of religious debate.

  14. D Says:

    Not attractive to you maybe, but to people who respect logic and truth, it is attractive.

    I am living proof that that statement is false. And so is everyone else. If accepting logic means becoming arrogant, self-centered, and flat out disrespectful, I don’t think that humans should turn to logic. Luckily, turning to logic doesn’t mean to become so.

    Read my latest article My Affidavit, and then see if you stand by that statement. If you do, then you have no morality, and logic means nothing to you, because the only thing you care about is your beliefs and not being wrong. Now that is arrogant.

    That, or I am just smarter than you and/or more logical. You aren’t always correct, evanescent, and so far, you seem to think you are. That’s just the impression I’m getting, so don’t blame me.

  15. jonfeatherstone Says:

    evanescent,
    As Supreme Ruler and Authority of the Universal Church of Athiests you have chosen to grace this planet with, I don’t wish to be negative in any way but I really do need to point out a few things. 1)To include the word “universal” in your organisation, you might need to look at some creative ways of increasing your membership. I think 6 is bit too light. 2)I think you might need to review the recruitment and screening process a little more, as I have been bestowed the unequalled honour of member of the Evanescent Council (and I get of share in the proceeds of any crusades) but I am in fact not an athiest! This is an embarrasment I know, and dammed awkward for all of us. Just thought I’d let you know! Other than that, still with you 100%
    Jon

  16. Spanish Inquisitor Says:

    You could always donate your share of the proceeds to an otherwise separate but equally good cause.

    Like me.

  17. evanescent Says:

    So be it, Jon, you are hereby relegated to the Department of Evolutionary Lies, and your council robe is given over to Spanish as a spare, in case he dirties his current one by some unmentionable activity.

    Now make us a drink, Featherstone!

  18. jonfeatherstone Says:

    Hi Evenescent,
    As a back-bencher here in the Dept. Of Evolutionary Lies (DOEL) it’s quite chilly as we don’t have a lot to wear.
    Just before I am completely banished from the universe, I would just like to say that although you are an athiest and I am not, I very strongly suspect that we both do not believe in the same God (if that makes any sense). I am discovering other models of god and man (outside … waaaaaay outside the small square of christianity) that are very interesting indeed and far more expansive in scope and spread than “mere christianity”! I challenge you to post a comment on my post today called “the second grand illusion of man”!
    Peace,
    Jon
    PS: 1 sugar or 2?

  19. evanescent Says:

    Done!

    (and 1 sugar)


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