My Random List of Annoying Things!

Here are some random things that bug me.

The phrase “An hour or two”

…or “a week or two”, or “10 minutes, maybe 20”. I hate it when people say this because what they’re really saying is “it’ll be about this long, or twice that!” What the fuck?! If I ask when the train comes and someone says “an hour, give or take 10 mins” I can live with that. But if they say “an hour or two” they’re really saying “60 minutes, or 120 minutes”. So which is it??

You see it on TV when the doctor says “he’s got a week left, maybe two.” Let me get this right: this guy is dying and he might hang on for 7 days…or maybe 14?! Way to narrow down the timeframe! Wankers.

“…as far as we know!

Ah the favourite retort of the True Believer. You often hear people (especially theists) say this in answer to you saying something like “as far as we know life evolved”. And they’ll smile and very wittingly reply “ah, as far as we know!” Well, yes, what’s your point?? If you jump off a cliff you’ll fall, as far as we know! The earth goes around the sun, as far as we know. George Bush is human, as far as we know. (Ok bad example.)

It’s called “know” for a reason! Or do you have another word you’d like to use instead? (Perhaps believe?? It’s easy to get those two mixed up if you’re a Believer).

I think you should be allowed to punch anyone who says this, and when they say “that hurt” you should reply “as far as you know it does”.

Fahrenheit

I’m sorry what year do we live in? Does anyone seriously use Fahrenheit for anything anymore?? It pisses me off whenever a temperature is announced (like the Weather) and the presenter as an aside tells us what the equivalent is in degrees F. Why not give us it in Kelvin too whilst you’re at it, or say it in Welsh, just to fill the programme with as much useless information as possible?

It’s like when people say “oh it’s so hot out there, it’s over 100 degrees!” I just look at them with disgust and say “hmmm, shouldn’t we all be dead then??” After a few seconds of vacant retardation it’ll dawn on them what I mean and they’ll chuckle and say “ooh no ha, I meant Fahrenheit!” No shit Captain Caveman, why don’t you dance around a Totem pole to take the sun away then.

Ringtones and people who let them ring

Wow, you’ve got the James Bond theme song as your ring tone. Brilliant. I probably could have guessed that after the first 10 seconds you let it ring. The pseudo-rummaging around in your one-pocket jacket to find it was almost as embarrassing as the fact you think people really care!

I swear people really do this. They let the phone ring as long as absolutely possible so everyone can hear the tone, or hear that they’re so popular they’ve got different ringtones for different friends. I just think it’s embarrassing. (Not as embarrassing as that time I played hop-scotch with Heather Mills-McCartney though.)

People who show you pictures of their kids

I don’t have any kids (that I know of), so maybe I’m just missing something. But what is it with people who feel the need to show off their children in person or photographs to you?? I’m in the middle of eating or something, and all of a sudden this baby pic gets thrust in my face. ‘Thanks for ruining my lunch, let me put it down and pretend to say something complimentary.’

Fortunately, I’ve discovered a counter-measure: next time someone shows you a picture of their kids, just make a noise like “mmmm” and gently stroke the photograph. I promise you they’ll never do it again.

Hollywood

Overpaid parasites; overrated “actors”; shitty storylines; one tired lazy cliché after another; one plagiarised script or comic-book remake after another. It’s all crap. We should all stop going the cinema and buying DVDs until the Film Industry pulls it fat self-fellating finger out and makes something worth watching for a change.

Radio

Jingles; more commercials than actual music; the same songs repeated 6 times a day; the same songs played at the same time every day; every DJ trying to be “your pal on the airwaves” or the next Howard Stern. Take your pick!

When every song that’s only halfway through isn’t being interrupted or cut off, an advert is on; “Welcome to Advert FM! We’ll be right back with the commercials after the first minute of this U2 song!” Cutting off songs pisses me off almost as much as repeating them every hour: why pretend you’re there to play music at all?!

The only thing I’ve found more offensive than listening to radio is that time I had to write an essay on the Counts of Old France without using the letter “o”.

Americans who think America is a Christian nation

These people pride themselves on being patriotic to the core. So patriotic in fact, that they haven’t heard of a little thing called the Treaty of Tripoli:

“As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen…”

The United States was founded as a secular government. The founding fathers would probably cringe if they saw what Christian zealots had done and try to do to the liberal free-thinking republic that they founded.

“In god we trust” was added to American currency. Why didn’t the founding fathers think of this themselves?? Could it be because they saw properly that in a secular government the state is independent of a particular religion’s beliefs?? Why was “under god” added to the Pledge of Allegiance, effectively forcing Americans to pledge loyalty to a god they might not even believe in at the same time they were pledging allegiance to their country?? Why didn’t the Fathers come up with this originally themselves??

Could it be because Christian fundamentalists have corrupted what should be the greatest nation and government on earth? American Christians aren’t patriots. They’re fundamentalists. They don’t care what country they’re in, as long as they get their way. When the US added “In God we Trust” to their currency, they might as well have broken out the original manuscript of the Constitution and wiped their arses with it.

Calling America a ‘Christian nation’ is a cowardly perverse despicable lie.

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19 Responses to “My Random List of Annoying Things!”

  1. The Exterminator Says:

    Nice list. I particularly agree with you about the kiddie photos and the outrageous misreading of historical documents “proving” that America was founded as a Christian nation.

    But let me clue you in on Fahrenheit. In the U.S., where every single thing we do is cosmically correct because you-know-who smiles down on us, we have customarily used Fahrenheit as our temperature scale. Asking Americans to convert to another, more reasonable scale is out of the question; we are not a society that cares about reasonability– or intellect(as our president amply testifies every time he opens his mouth to speak).

    On the other hand, I will remind you that you Brits continue driving on the “wrong” side of the road. What’s up with that?

  2. evanescent Says:

    Ha, I wish I could tell you!

    I’m sure it won’t last forever for one of two reasons:

    1. Britain will get so comfortable as America’s lapdog we will effectively become the same creature and a change to driving on the right will become the natural thing to do!

    or

    2. Britain will become just another member state of a soon-to-be European Federal Government and driving on the left will be considered a felony.

    😉

  3. tobe38 Says:

    Very amusing stuff mate.

    In response to the “ah, as far as we know!” retort, I always just ask, “how could it possibly by more or less?”. We can’t say something based on more than we know, because we don’t know it! And you can’t base it on less than you know, because you can’t just pretend you don’t know something, and even if you could that would be stupid. Everything we know, is as far as we know.

    Ringtones infuritate me too. I’m proud to have the simplest, bog standard ringtone I can at anyone time. It is my protest against the “Jamster/Crazy Frog ringtone age” plague.

    Your solution to the child photos problem is hilarious. You might just want to be a bit careful of rumours…

  4. cragar Says:

    As the Inquisitor stated, we Americans want our degrees in Fahrenheit. Next thing you know you Brits will want us to change all of our highway signs from miles to kilometers, our rulers from feet to meters, our gas stations from gallons to liters. That’s way too inconvenient. 😉

    On your Hollywood rant, I like movies but it cost me $70 to take the wife and kids to see Harry Potter the other night. Pretty pricey that’s for sure. Makes a lot more sense to me to wait and buy the DVD’s for $15-20 6 months later and watch at the convenience of my own home.

    And lastly, I don’t know if you have XM or Sirius radio across the pond, but if you do I highly recommend it. I never listen to a regular radio station any longer. I can get a station or two I like, no commercials, no DJ’s. Beautiful.

  5. cragar Says:

    Sorry, it was the Exterminator I meant to quote from my comment.

  6. evanescent Says:

    Cragar, our road signs are also in miles! Kilometres are only used in the rest of Europe. We also use feet more commonly than meters, although litres are now the standard over gallons in petrol stations.

    If I like a film I always prefer to buy a legal DVD copy, but DVDs are another thing that piss me off. To manufacture a DVD or CD costs about 3p at most, and they get sold for £10-£20. That can’t be right. And then pirates get arrested for breaking the law, the real crooks are the film/record companies who put a 3000% markup on their products!

  7. cragar Says:

    LOL. Proof I’ve never been to England! Maybe someday.

  8. evanescent Says:

    It’s really a very nice place! I’m sure you’d enjoy visiting the 51st state. 😉

  9. macca Says:

    f***, i hate it when the bunch of clasify driving on the left as worng. think about it this way. you guys dirve on the same side of the road as comuinists

  10. Aldo Says:

    Why do you think US has fahrenheit, miles, feet and any other non sensical way of measurement, because we gave it to them!!! Its funny how some people do not even make the connection, like a Turkish friend of mine didn’t know that the reason the US spoke English was because the original American immigrants were largely from these Isles…unbelievable, he thought I was making it up. I think he thought that we spoke English because of them ha ha ha. Don’t get why they dont also drive on the left aswell since they were just another little part of our empire before. He he he!!!
    Something that really annoys me is saying “random” in like completely Radio 1 style “random” ways, I just think its so Radio 1, so random, so bloody annoying haaaaaaa.

  11. brandi Says:

    Nice all that is from George Carlin your random list of Annoying Things more like Georges.

  12. Ellise Says:

    It’s things like the last one that make me want to
    live in England, and not the U.S. I live in California.
    I couldn’t even tell you how annoying it is.

  13. Dan Reynolds Says:

    I will agree that the Founding Fathers were about separation of Church and State, but, nonetheless, the reality of the situation was that the people who make up the nation were, and indeed, still are, by far Christian. To say that the country was not founded as a Christian nation is silly and obviously written by either a non-Christian, a disgruntled Christian, or someone else with some axe to grind.

    Just read here and hit the links

    http://www.dakotavoice.com/2009/07/20583/

  14. evanescent Says:

    Dan, I think you need to have a quick think about the wording you’re using and the facts of history. American was NOT founded as a Christian nation. Read again the treaty of Tripoli:

    “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen…”

    So you think that although the US was not in any sense founded on the Christian religion, it WAS founded as a Christian nation? Now who’s being silly.

    To say the US was founded as a Christian nation just because SOME (you will find many of the founding fathers were deists or even outright atheists if you do your research) of its founders were Christian, is like saying that the US was founded as a white nation simply because its founders were white! It’s ridiculous, and it’s such an obvious attempt at twisting words to fit in with your agenda, which is clearly to give Christianity some special status in America (even more so that it already has).

    It doesn’t matter that some of the Founders were Christian, or the effort over the last 200 years of Christians with too much power and a political agenda to slowly distort the constitution and the history of the US to sneak their 2000 year old myths into the government. “In God We Trust” on currency? Tell me the Founders would have approved of that. The issue is only this: what did the Founders INTEND to form with the United States? A secular republic or a Christian nation? You don’t need to answer; the Founders already have! The evidence is above in that quote, and elsewhere if you bother to look.

    But here’s the biggest hypocrisy of all: WHY? If America is a free secular nation with NO special consideration to any set of beliefs, but a nation of objective laws that favour only the man who wants to respect the Rights of another man, what does it matter to you? Can you still practice your religion? Yes. Are you still free to believe whatever you want? Yes. Is everyone else entitled to believe whatever Bronze Age faith-based superstitions they want to? Of course. Why would you bother trying to convince people that the very thing that should make America the greatest nation in history (its establishment as a free secular republic to protect the people from the government) is actually not true?

    Despite what personal beliefs some of the Founders had, they were wise, and they knew that if American was to be truly free, then NO set of people should have any governmental power over others based on religion, or for that matter, anything else. That the government should be a government of laws not of men, and that it should be objective and give no support or special consideration to any religion. It seems that you’re trying to convince people of just how christian some of the important figures in America’s history were… but so what? What does it matter? All this proves is that many Americans were and are, Christian. Shock! Does that contradict the fact that the US was simply NOT FOUNDED as a christian nation? No. So what is your point? Perhaps it’s you that has an axe to grind.

    (By the way, I’m English.)

  15. Dan Reynolds Says:

    evanescent

    I’m not going to try and convince you of an opinion you’ve totally bought it. There are reasons this is important to you for which I have no idea. It doesn’t change the reality of the situation. THis is a multi-cultural and multi-religious country and there is (in theory, as there has always been) a separation of church and state. The Founding Fathers (both those religious and those not) intnded to have separation of church and state – which is a good thing – it’s just that the reality of the situation is you can put it down on paper, but it IS and it DID have an impact on our laws and the way this country was founded, created, and STILL operated. Just because you can take the boy out of the country, doesn’t mean you can take the country out of the boy. Also, you’re forgetting the all the political figures you sepak of were and still are elected by the nation’s people – they didn’t create the nation in a vacuum. These people, the nation, was and still is, a CHristian nation. Were they ALL CHristians? Of course, not. The majority were and are still CHristian.
    To argue this fact with me is a waste of my time and yours. You can’t change what was and is just because you, for some reason, don’t like it, or perhaps because you’ve been indoctrinated by some liberal-minded socialists who want to rewrite history to sell a book or propagandize young minds.
    It’s a free country. You can believe what you want. I can’t take that away from you.

  16. evanescent Says:

    Well Dan, we can agree on one thing, continuing this discussion is a waste of time, clearly because you haven’t read or understood the first thing about me; namely that you could suggest I’ve been indoctrinated by socialist liberals… considering I am an objectivist and therefore passionate about freedom and capitalism… nothing could be further from the truth. If you’re so way off the mark on understanding the position of someone you’re arguing against, your interpretation of the history and political structure of the United States and the Founding Fathers is even more questionable.

    Nothing you write makes sense. “Christian nation” – what does that even mean? People are individuals. Is every American a christian? No. Is the ground christian? Is the air, the soil, christian? Is the airzone around the US Christian? Does a majority population constitute a christian nation? Well, by your reasoning, America is also a WHITE NATION. To speak of the US nation itself as inherently, fundamentally, belonging to a very specific religio-philosophical caste when it was founded as a secular republic is pathetically laughable. It is type-casting collectivism of the highest order – the sort of socialism you assumed I had been indoctrinated by. The only nations I would declare “religious nations” are where the state itself is governed by fundamentalist religionists who control or try to control every aspect of its citizens lives, like Iran, and other barbaric primitive countries in the East. To even compare the once-great United States to those animals is a moral crime, and clearly shows YOUR agenda to believe, desperately, against all the facts, that America is somehow, magically, “Christian” – like I say, whatever that means… I suspect even you don’t know… but whatever makes you happy. Personally, I don’t care if the entire world was “christian” as long as my Rights are respected.

  17. dawn frost Says:

    America was founded by thieves who stole the land from the Native Americans then bought who bought & sold slaves to work it… that’s not Christian at all

  18. evanescent Says:

    Who ever said the Founders were Christians? Oh that’s right, republican fundies trying to rewrite history.

    As for thieves, that implies the victim can lay claim to Rights. Those who don’t recognise Rights can’t claim any. The American Indians were tribal barbarians who killed themselves and each other and sacrificed the individual to their primitive little superstitious gang. Such a society can claim no rights. USA!

  19. numeroloji Says:

    numeroloji…

    […]My Random List of Annoying Things! « e v a n e s c e n t[…]…


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