My God – Mon 4th Jun 07

God hates the world!

You should watch this first then carry on reading:


This is really pathetic and sickening. And also quite hilarious in a macabre way.

I was particularly amused to be told we should change our ways and turn to God, whilst also being told “It’s too late to change his mind!”

So which is it? If we’re going to die anyway I may as well carry on living my life NOT being a mindless automaton and obeying the wishes of a vengeance paranoid magical fairy who lives in the sky, and actually doing what I want, being happy, and enjoying my short life with my friends.

The whole “going to hell” or punishment thing really makes no sense. This is because one of the main apologetics for evil in the world is that God wants people to have free will and make their own choices about serving him or not. But, if he’s going to punish/kill everyone who chooses not to serve him, how it that a free choice? An agreement made under duress is hardly amicable is it? No more than someone who mugs you at gunpoint can plead in a court of law “well, he agreed to give me his wallet…he didn’t have to!”

If I was God, but a God who actually cared about people (unlike the narcissistic human-hating war-loving son-of-a-bitch of actual religions), I’d give people the choice of following me or not. But, unlike hiding myself away for all eternity, and only revealing myself to obnoxious emotionally-disturbed or mentally-questionable people, I’d reveal myself to everyone. Instead of hiding all evidence for my existence and planting false evidence of an evil satanic theory like evolution so that people can’t help but accept it as scientific fact, I’d create a perfect world that actually proved irreducibly-complex design. I might also help my followers come up with logical arguments that proved my existence, and didn’t just convince those who already believe of, well basically of what they already believe.

I’d probably list all the benefits of following my way clearly, perhaps in a book. But I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong impression of course, so naturally I’d steer clear of condoning murder, rape, genocide, infanticide, and a paranoid superstitious dislike of human bodily functions that I myself created. I certainly wouldn’t give people long pointless lists of what to eat and not to eat based on some arbitrary opinion of cleanliness in animals that, wait for it!, I myself created. And since I created man and woman with the ability to ejaculate and menstruate, I definitely wouldn’t think of them as unclean and needing to be ostracised for these natural processes. Needless to say if stupid humans writing my book made errors of any kind that contradicted other parts of my book, it would have to go! Start again, let’s get this right people!

Since I’d be God and of course love the creatures I created in my own image, I wouldn’t want to give humans free will and then punish them for using it. So, although my followers would be better off than those who didn’t choose to follow, I’d let the non-followers live their lives how they wanted, as long as they didn’t hurt anyone, and then die peacefully. After all, that’s what free will is all about isn’t it?!

One thing I definitely wouldn’t do is give the human race an incredible sexual desire at all times in their life no matter what relationship they’re in (if any) and then consider them evil and needing to be killed, for expressing that desire as they saw fit. Assuming of course, that no one is hurt. After all, if I wanted to program humans to only be attracted to their marriage partners of the opposite sex I would have just made them that way. After all, I’d be God and could do anything.

Also, I’d make sure that my followers reflected my personality. Which means that, because I’d be God and be loving, caring, empathetic, and honest, I’d also never be vengeful or arrogant. I’d never want to control anyone or use guilt and fear to get my way. I’d want people to have all the information and make their own minds up. Even though my way is obviously the best, it’d be wrong to just make children agree with me. After all, I gave them their own mind and free will so when they grow up, they’d see that my way was the best. So I’d like followers who are like me on the issues above. And of course, any people who did the opposite to these things certainly wouldn’t be my followers!

Since I created a world where differences were allowed and if I wanted it differently I would have just made it so, I could hardly condemn anyone for being different. Because of this, I’d make sure my followers understood the value of choice. And I’d make sure that my followers respected diversity and were tolerant of other people’s lifestyles and choices. My followers would understand that their personal decision to serve me didn’t give them any right to preach hate to non-believers. My followers would happily get on with their own lives in peace and tolerance, fully knowing that others could make their own mind up about right and wrong and live with the consequences, or better yet since I’m God, I could just reveal myself to them if I really wanted to.

And finally, if I was God, I would probably create a universe and a planet that doesn’t constantly try to kill my favourite species, every day of the week. I’d put a stop to those nasty solar rays or the dirty big meteors crashing into the earth every million years or so. I’d probably reconsider the whole hurricane and tsunami things as more trouble than they’re worth. And as wonderful as plate tectonics are, I’d redesign things slightly so volcanoes never run the risk of wiping out life on a continental scale. Despite creating the earth specifically for the great human race, I’d come up with a design that didn’t involve 70% of the planet being covered in water, and indeed half of the remaining 30% being uninhabitable by humans anyway.

I could talk about creating a species that never got sick and died, or a world without viruses and deadly bacteria, but I am God after all and haven’t got all eternity to plan these things.

Now excuse me if you will, I have prayers that need answering!

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3 Responses to “My God – Mon 4th Jun 07”

  1. johnnyolive Says:

    But, evanescent, isn’t it obvious that god wants to test us? he gives us natural disasters first of all to punish sinners, and secondly to see whether his chosen will do the service projects needed to clean up.

    obviously i’m joking. but seriously, if we had been ‘engineered’ by an intelligent being, it wasn’t a terribly intelligent being.

  2. evanescent Says:

    I agree! If this universe was designed, then poor old “God” must have been at the back of the queue when whoever created him was passing out brains.

    But if god did design our world then he’s a very special person indeed. And when I say special, I mean special needs. He should be locked up and fed through a straw so he can’t smite anyone at will, and have a catheter fitted 24 hours a day (or however many hours there are in Godworld) so he can’t make a mess everywhere, which is what he seems to excel at…

  3. Mike Says:

    If “god” is created by civilization of centuries past
    as some kind of comfort explaining a hard life then god just
    turns out to be a nasty asshole like many of the rest of us, inconsistant, demanding and codependent. Well written,thanks.


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