My Soul - Thu 21st Jun 07

What does it mean to have a soul?

Does the expression have any importance?  Does it have it any meaning?

I believe we can answer these questions.

First of all we must decide what a soul is.  There are three interpretations that I’ll consider:

1.       The soul is a spiritual supernatural entity that exists in humans.

2.       The soul is synonymous with “body” and just another word for being.  i.e.: Genesis says that Adam “became a living soul”; it does not say that he was given one.

3.       The soul as a metaphor.

I don’t accept the first interpretation because it defies common sense.  Although many beliefs are based on the idea of an immortal transcendent component, that doesn’t make those beliefs right.  After all, the soul is the only way to explain such far-fetched flights of fancy like the afterlife, karma, reincarnation etc.  Though maybe not strictly revolving around the same thing, they all posit “something” that enables thoughts/memories/fate etc to survive after death.

There are at least two good reasons why the soul in this sense is irrational.  First, the soul is often described as a ghostly being with the ability to see, hear, sense, and even touch.  This makes no sense.  Everything we know about the world shows us physical creatures that interact with a physical world through physical senses.  Is this artificially limiting our understanding?  No.  Why?  Ok, close your eyes and tell me what you see.  Put headphones on and tell me what you hear.  Do both and tie your arms around your back and see how far you get.  To invent an entity that can see without any sight organs and hear without any auditory equipment, and sense without any physical form or nerve endings, is precisely that: pure invention.  You might as well be writing science fiction or fantasy.  It is a contradiction in terms.

For the same reason, so is the notion of life after death.  You’re alive now, because your body temperature is being regulated, your brain activity is at a certain level, your lungs are bringing in oxygen, and your heart is circulating the oxygen around your body and bringing deoxygenised blood back to the lungs for expulsion.  These processes maintain your vital signs. 

Your consciousness (despite what junk science and blatant fabrications might tell you) is a property of the very complex workings of your brain.  Intelligence and consciousness is directly related to brain size and activity; specifically in the cerebral cortex.  Dogs, cats, and pigs having greater cerebral cortex surface area (grey matter) than fish, horses, and mice.  As a result they are more intelligent.  The human brain is the most sophisticated brain of all on the planet.  Our brain has considerable portions devoted to higher thinking, reasoning, and language.  This is why we have the unique abilities we do.  At some point in the past, the brain of what became Homo sapiens (literally: thinking man) reached a critical mass where it was able to reason and think so much it became aware of its own existence!  Consciousness was born.  Still in doubt?  Drink a pint of vodka.  See how good your consciousness is then.  This is because alcohol (very loosely speaking) interrupts brain activity, and the result is a loss of function and reasoning.  If you’re still not convinced that consciousness resides in the brain, I suggest a less subtle approach: run into a brick wall at full speed head first, and see if you remain conscious after a concussion.

To be consciously aware when one is unconscious is a contradiction; this is common sense and no one would disagree surely.  It is as much a contradiction to talk about still having fingers without hands.  Think about that for a few seconds.  Now imagine that some terrible incident has ended your brain activity, such as: gunshot; blunt-force trauma; myocardial infarction; watching too much Big Brother.  To talk of still having consciousness after brain death is to speak of unconscious consciousness!  Our consciousness and thinking, indeed what makes us human, resides in the encephalon floating in your skull.  In other words, life after death is like talking about handless fingers, a non-brain thought, or a square circle.

I know to many the idea of life after death is necessary and comforting, but you really are kidding yourself.  I cannot put that any simpler.  Life after death is the ultimate human fantasy.  And in some cases it’s also the greatest lie of all.

What about the soul as the body itself?  Well I have no problem with this interpretation, but it doesn’t get us anywhere; it’s just another word for being or body really, so there isn’t much more to be said.

I believe there can be a use for the word “soul” though, if one is clear that the word has no supernatural connotation.  Unfortunately this isn’t always the case so it’s up to you whether you agree with me or not.

I think the word soul can mean something when we talk about what makes us human.  It is a convenient, (perhaps lazy) way of referring to all the things that define a human intellectually.  These might be: intelligence; empathy, conscience, capacity for humour and love etc; ability to reflect and predict.  No animal shares all these traits.  There might be more, and I’m not a psychologist but I believe that small list is sufficient for what we’re talking about.

I sometimes use the word soul metaphorically, perhaps poetically.  When I do, I refer to a person owning these traits above, i.e.:  their humanity.  So by this thinking, a perfect example of a soulless person would be a psychopath.  A psychopath might have no empathy for other human beings, or might not have the capacity for love.  A psychopath or sociopath might have no conscience.  These would be paradigm examples of people with no soul.

People who commit acts of terror could be thought of as courageous and brave.  It is said that one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.  Whether we agree with this isn’t the point.  Humans flew planes into the World Trade Centre, and their convictions were so strong they had enormous faith and belief in what they were doing.  They were human beings, but they were blinded by their faith and dogma so intensely, they could not reason for themselves.  Their intelligence was compromised.  I think soulless could refer to this type of person too.

The type of person that is in some respects rational and intelligent, but in others blinded by their own beliefs or faith or fear, doesn’t act normally.  They act like zombies, or robots.  They lose that thing that makes them human; and a human that acts like this is no better in some ways than an animal that either acts on instinct or does whatever it’s told.  A good example of this type of person might be a fundamentalist.  I don’t think fundamentalists have souls.

I’m not saying that people without souls aren’t humans.  I’m just speaking poetically; I’m simply invoking the word metaphorically to mean “that which is unique to humans; that which makes us human.”

If you accept this line of thought, a soul is not some ethereal cloud of magic floating around you.  Your soul is in you; your soul is part of you.  You can lose it, but you can also regain it.  And perhaps humans as the often-capricious beings that we are, oscillate between soulful and soulless each day.

The point is that if you don’t have the capacity for reason, for empathy, for love and humour, for reflection and prediction, and have a conscience, you aren’t metaphorically human.

Fortunately, very few people are like this, and I believe thinking of the soul in this rather natural poetic way is far better than the mystical quixotic mysterious entity of fairy tales and religion and all the metaphysical baggage it carries.  It’s also perhaps a far better way to check our human centres for what we really are about, instead of what we’ll be in an imaginary afterlife.

The Light of the World

I’ve talked about science a lot lately on here and with friends, discussing the pros and cons. I don’t want to overkill the points here but there are things that need to be said. So I’ll just share with you my musings and we’ll see where we go:

I’d like to explain briefly what science is and isn’t and what it does and doesn’t do, but this list will not be exhaustive.

First, despite what New Agers, pseudoscientists, or Joe Philosophy with his own metaphysical worldview might think, science doesn’t dismiss anything a priori. Science does not have a list of rights and wrongs and check off new ideas against them. Science doesn’t assume it knows everything and that its theories can’t be changed.

Science tries to understand everything in the world around us. It doesn’t pretend that it can know everything. It doesn’t say that the supernatural doesn’t exist. It doesn’t say that god doesn’t exist. It doesn’t say that chi doesn’t exist. It doesn’t say that metaphysics or spirituality is rubbish.

Science uses natural explanations of the natural world. It tests claims. It tries to disprove claims. This is important, because if one tries to confirm something, one can look for things that confirm an idea and ignore things that don’t. In other words, if it’s true or false, it might always appear true. But, if you start out with an explanation and try to disprove it, if it’s true you will still prove it and if it’s false you will disprove it, but what you can never do is prove it if it’s false! That’s the difference.

Despite science’s great track record, some people don’t like science because they don’t like playing by the rules. It’s as simple as that. If you make a claim and want others to believe it, you should test it. If it fails a fair controlled test then maybe it’s just wrong!

Now, it’s been said that there are some things that science can’t explain. Ok fair point, there might be. Anyone care to give an example? You will find that the things science ‘can’t explain’ are things designed to be so mysterious, intangible, and ethereal that they are by definition unknowable! (e.g.: the supernatural). Science isn’t some special rigid limited way of getting knowledge that we can use in some situations and not others. We all use science in some way every day. Does something work? Test it, re-test it. Try and disprove it. Explain how it works. Make predictions with it. Surely that’s just common sense? That’s what we should do to test any claim.

When someone asks to remove their beliefs from the study of science, they’re basically asking for the easy way out; for special treatment. What they want is to believe comfortably, or make others believe by making science out to be the bad guy! “Oh well there are some things that science can’t explain!” Really? It’s funny that, because people have been saying that for thousands of years, and every time there has been a mystery it’s been solved by empirical evidence, natural explanation, tests, re-tests, and logical natural theories. Nothing in human history has ever been solved by supernatural explanations. Ever. EVER. That doesn’t mean that the supernatural doesn’t exist. But come on, how many times does this have to happen before we admit that ok, science just might be pretty good at discovering stuff; more so than anything else we’ve got.

What I’m saying is that people of a more metaphysical disposition, that is, more likely to believe in gods, spirits, chi, karma, spirituality, ghosts, vitalism, TM, synchronicity, Freud etc, recoil at the label ‘science’ as if it were an enemy, but embrace it if it seems to support them. But science is just another way of saying “testing claims in controlled conditions, objectively, using evidence and rationality, and explaining what happens naturally.” I can’t see what the problem is! What other way is there of finding out if something works or not than this?! If someone says they can cure your brain tumour with a crystal, wouldn’t your very first question be “how do you know it works?” Well that’s all science does. But it is ruthless and has no preference, sentiment, or favourites. And if you can’t demonstrate your claim repeatedly under controlled conditions, that’s not science’s fault! No one in their right mind would accept anything less than this, but when you put the label ‘science’ on it, all of a sudden these types of people think they’re being badly done to.

I know many would like to believe that there is another world beyond the scope of science, and as long as they believe this their beliefs can last a little longer, (before science shines a light in these regions and maybe blows their beliefs out the water too). This way of hiding beliefs in the recesses of the unknown is called the God of the Gaps fallacy. It basically works by saying “we can’t explain X, so [insert your belief here] did it”. That could be God, aliens, chi, etc.

However, history has shown that science eventually figures most things out. That’s not to say that it always will. But, if science can’t do it, why the hell should anything else be able to?!

Science can be wrong. Science has been wrong in the past. E.g.: the theory of plate tectonics. But when science was proved wrong; when the existing scientific theory was disproved, it was disproved by other scientists! It was disproved by a better scientific theory! Science has never been proven wrong by religion or faith. No scientific theory has ever been defeated by a supernatural one. Ever. It has never happened.

In fact, what tends to happen is that we start out not knowing something. Religion, faith, superstition, and the supernatural have a go at explaining it. We gain knowledge, we study it, we test it, and we come up with a testable natural explanation that clears everything up. Why does it rain? Why is the sky blue? What causes thunder? What is the sun? What happens after death? Where do we come from?

One by one, what appear to be questions beyond the scope of science and firmly in the realm of pseudoscience, metaphysics, religion, and faith, actually get answered by science. So perhaps they were answerable all along! Maybe, just maybe, these questions aren’t beyond science. Maybe, just maybe, certain parties with a vested interest in having it their way don’t like what science has to say so just reject it! E.g.: evolution. I know if evolution is fact it blows apart most monotheistic beliefs. Well guess what, evolution is a fact. So what? I don’t feel sorry for you. Get over it. It’s called accepting the facts. If creationism was true you’d want everyone else to accept it! So now it’s your turn.

Unfortunately, for those who side against science, they’ve picked a rather one-sided war. A war with no victories for them and only defeats. Note: not accepting a defeat doesn’t stop it from being one. You’d think these people would have learned by now! But because they don’t like to play by the rules it’s easy to paint science as the evil atheistic sledgehammer with an agenda. (Science is equally viable for theists and atheists.) But the rules are fair and objective, so when someone says their belief is beyond science, what they’re saying is that it can’t be proved fairly or objectively. Now, if you’re happy with that kind of basis for belief that’s your choice, but I’m not!

And this is why, and it’s so simple!: if you have the truth on your side, what have you got to hide?! The ones who shy away from tests, analysis, scrutiny, facts, and evidence, have probably got something that isn’t worth testing, analysing, scrutinising, and has no facts or evidence to support it. In other words, if you don’t want to live in the dark you’ve got nothing to fear from the light.

Science is a spotlight. Nothing more, nothing less.

To say there is something beyond science is really to say there is something beyond the world we can detect. I cannot strictly say this isn’t true, but I will say that it is so capricious and whimsical as to be meaningless. Yes, I suppose there could be something beyond this world, and a fish with a trunk could be an elephant. But if there is something we can’t detect in any measurable way, then how can it have any measurable effect on us? In other words, what is the point talking about it, as it would be meaningless in the world we live in anyway? One might as well talk about alternative universes or parallel dimensions.

So if this world is all there is, and science is the best way to study this world, how can anyone have a problem with it? To paraphrase Richard Dawkins: if science can’t figure it out, then sure as hell nothing else can!

My Honest Opinion - Sun 10th Jun 07

I think almost everyone who knows me, knows that I’m sceptical of extraordinary claims. As the adage goes: extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Depending on the situation and context, whenever the subject of the supernatural or paranormal comes up in conversation, I will generally throw a few common sense questions in there, (assuming of course that it’s polite to do so). I might point out how cold-reading works, or subjective validation or confirmation bias. I might casually point out how science really works, or that testimonials and anecdotes are not really solid proof of anything.

I was speaking to a woman on the phone a few weeks’ ago. She believed she was psychic and had special powers. In many ways she was the paradigm True Believer. She claimed to have actually seen angels and spirits, and could directly divine events. She’s even given readings to people who I work with, and impressed them. The conversation lasted quite a while and we managed to have a very frank discussion. It was about 10 minutes before I said anything of interest really as she spent the first ten minutes telling me stories and anecdotes of her own experiences. I mean no offence to her, but these stories (whether she realises she was doing it or not) were simply there to try and impress me. And if I would have been more inclined to believe in the supernatural or female (in my experience women show far more interest in these things than men) I would have been blown away. I wasn’t, and I think she sensed that. I explained to her some of the principles mentioned in the first paragraph, and said that I didn’t think she had any special abilities. The conversation was very amicable, but I challenged her to “read” me the next time we met; hopefully this will happen in the next few weeks or months.

Now again, I mean no offence to this lady, but imagine that instead of saying that she’s actually seen and communicated with angels and spirits, she said aliens – what would your opinion be of her then? Less credible? Perhaps a little bit too farfetched? What if she said animals spoke to her, or evil invisible Mexicans? Would we be inclined to think she’d lost the plot? Well, I don’t know what the lady’s state of mind is. In all fairness, she’s able to hold a normal job and life on a day-to-day basis, but then most people are regardless of their mental health. There is no difference between saying you can talk to animals, aliens, invisible evil Mexicans, or supernatural beings. If anything, we know that animals, aliens, and Mexicans exist. But yet, counter-intuitively, because of today’s culture, most people would be more likely to invest belief in her supernatural claims.

Personally, I don’t know what goes on in the head of people like that. But the experts have had a very good go at explaining it. There are many good explanations for paranormal experiences: brain-states, hallucinations, sleep-disorders, chemical-imbalance, emotional-instability, ignorance, misunderstanding perfectly natural events, magical-thinking, wishful-thinking, self-delusion. None of these terms are meant aggressively or pejoratively. The truth is any of us may be affected by them at any point in our lives. Sometimes our experiences seem incredibly real and very powerful. And they happen to us. It’s much easier to dismiss other peoples’ claims, but take our own seriously. This is human nature, but it’s also very self-centred when you think about it. Are we so convinced that other people are probably just wrong, but when something incredible happens to us, we just know we’re right?!

And so people ask me, what if you saw a ghost? What if something happened that you couldn’t explain? What if you had a supernatural or paranormal experience? What if a psychic told you something she couldn’t possibly know?

Would I still believe? No. Stubborn, close-minded, I hear you say? Absolutely not, and I’ll explain why soon.

Because of what I just said above, we all know that people can be wrong about their experiences. Remember that what people think they are experiencing might not necessarily be what is going on. Even something as mundane as a cold draught on the back of the neck could be interpreted as a ghostly presence if someone was inclined to think that way. Perhaps the breeze occurs when a person is thinking of a loved one, perhaps recently passed away. Hey, perhaps they’re even holding a photograph of the deceased in their hands?! Now do you see how spooky that rather boring gust of wind is? All of a sudden the experience has taken on a whole new meaning, and when that person recounts their story it will probably be embellished and exaggerated (most of the time unintentionally). Because you’re not that person, it’s not possible to know what happened at the time or know what happened in their minds. But what is more likely to be true?

“When confidential information leaks out of an organization, people suspect a spy, not a psychic.”
–John Allen Paulos, Innumeracy

This quote above had me smiling for a while. It’s so delightful in its parsimony, and so full of sheer real world common sense. Think about it. Also think about this: when was the last time a psychic was banned from a casino? It’s never happened. Why?

It’s often jokingly said the best way to not get abducted by aliens is to be a sceptic. Sceptics never get abducted by aliens! All joking aside, this is actually pretty good advice. Sceptics for example, understand that sometimes the natural paralysis that starts at sleep and ends with consciousness sometimes doesn’t activate and deactivate properly, leaving people with a temporary waking paralysis. It’s rare, but explains a lot of reports of alien abductions. Isn’t it strange that people who don’t believe in aliens never get visited? Why don’t sceptics see ghosts? For that matter, why don’t Christians see Allah, and why don’t Muslims ever see Christ?? Could it be that they are all having ordinary or natural experiences, and interpreting them their own way?

I know how “psychics” work, so if a “psychic” impressed me, she’d just be impressing me with how good a con-artist she is. Even if she isn’t trying to deceive, I know how they work and the techniques they use, so I wouldn’t be led to believe in them. The only way a psychic would convince me of anything is if they were tested in controlled conditions. Any psychic who passes such a test would make history. It’s never been done at all, so why would we believe that the one time we get a reading it’s actually real? Surely that’s pretty arrogant of us.

You see, it’s precisely because I know I can be wrong, even about myself, that I wouldn’t accept supernatural or paranormal experiences of my own! You cannot get less stubborn and close-minded than that! Also, if I rejected other people’s fallacious reasoning and “proof” (rightly so) but accepted my own, wouldn’t that make me a hypocrite? Wouldn’t I be just as guilty of incorrect thinking as the ones who accept “paranormal” experiences?? Of course I would!

What sceptics do is stick to their principles. We know we can be wrong. We know that humans are prone to being emotional, illogical, fallacious, and can suffer from a variety of mental problems that can be rather innocent and also very serious at times. A person might swear on their family’s lives that they saw a ghost stand before them in the room. This person might be joking or plain insane. There’s no way to know, which is why we simply cannot accept the anecdotes of people, no matter how genuine they sound, as proof. We need real evidence.

And yet the popular view of sceptics and debunkers is of being cynical, close-minded, stubborn, and arrogant. But as I’ve explained, we are anything but! The very reasons we’d reject even our own experiences proves great integrity, honestly, and humility. And once you admit that no matter how convinced you are of something, you might still be wrong, there is only one option left: rationalism; that is, a world where evidence decides facts, and we don’t choose our beliefs.

We should believe what we know, and not know what we believe.

 

(This article isn’t an exhaustive debunk of the paranormal or supernatural. My main purpose was to highlight that applying critical thinking even to our own experiences, although it doesn’t come naturally, is actually one of the most honest and modest things we can do. It’s also incredibly rewarding!)

My Worldview - Fri 27th Apr 07

I had a conversation earlier with a friend about reaching theists. I don’t mean reaching out to them, I mean actually reaching their rationality with logical arguments that will make them re-examine their beliefs. By extension, this applies as much to any kind of true-believer, not just theists.

This friend quoted another acquaintance who had something interesting to say on the matter. It was ‘if your beliefs are not themselves based on evidence, then you aren’t likely to be swayed by evidence.’

This is very interesting, mostly true, and rather worrying. I’m sure anyone with their logical cap on could look at the situation and think “that’s stupid. Who would actually believe something without any evidence, and actually in spite of the contradictory evidence?” Well yes, it is stupid. But we’ve all been guilty of it, mostly as children when we didn’t know any better. We can probably all think of someone we know who disagrees with us (except me; everyone I know agrees with me because I’m infallible), but it’s interesting that we mostly disagree with others over ambiguous (at least seemingly-so) or subjective issues; for instance morality, politics, tax, beauty, music, or art. I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever argued with somebody over gravity, the orbit of the earth around the sun, the colour of the sky, etc.

In general areas of debate, the intensity of argument seems to be inversely proportional to the knowledge available. For example, I am pro-choice, but understand the ambiguity that surrounds abortion. The problem is that not everyone is aware of the facts, and emotion and propaganda get in the way of logical thinking often. Another example might be music or beauty, inherently subjective and very broad subjects; we may argue for hours over Bach or Mozart, the Backstreet Boys or the Pet Shop Boys; or who has the nicest physical features between Christina Aguilera and Avril Lavigne. The obvious problem here is that evidence to support positions is not readably available. And thus we spend hours fighting over whether the Matrix: Revolutions was a stunning action movie or a disappointing clichéd pile of faecal matter. If you introduce objective parameters into the discussion, it makes it easier to reach conclusions: e.g.: camera work, acting, directing, storyline etc – I might agree with you 100% that Film A is objectively superior in ways x, y, and z than Film B, but that doesn’t mean I like it more – how can you prove me wrong? You can’t.

However, if our purpose is to reach an agreement, we help ourselves greatly by establishing some objective criteria. If what we’re arguing about isn’t subjective, and there is sufficient evidence, then we should reach a conclusion that everyone can agree on.

Returning to an earlier example: all the facts in the world can’t tell you to agree with abortion or not. That depends on further issues. But if the question is: is abortion (before a certain time) the taking of a human life? That is an objective question, and the answer is no (fact based on evidence). Therefore abortion isn’t murder, and there is nothing wrong with it from that sense. The question: is it right to terminate the life of a glob of cells living inside a woman? If someone answers yes, then I hope they’ve never stood on ants or swatted a fly, or killed any insect/animal life of any kind. I’d personally answer the question with “no”. In fact, “pro-life” arguments usual appeal to emotion or spirituality of some kind. Whether these arguments are right or wrong is not my point, but they aren’t objective, and they aren’t based on evidence.

A sinister example of belief not based on evidence is theism. Theists make claims that aren’t based on evidence, and they actively deny the evidence that would prove them wrong.

This allows me to return to the conversation I mentioned in the opening paragraph: I used to believe in God. But I think the biggest reason I was able to deconvert is because my beliefs weren’t based on faith. I had faith, but it wasn’t necessary for my belief. When I believed in God, I honestly believed I had good reason to. I believed there was evidence for his existence, and I thought I could logically and rationally prove it. Now, as wrong as I was, perhaps it was because I was receptive to evidence in favour of my belief, I was also receptive to evidence against it. Of course this isn’t always the case; I think the majority of believers are open to evidence for their beliefs but not against it. But how can we tell the difference between a believer and a “true believer”, that is one who will believe no matter what? This is an interesting question, and I think the proof of the pudding is in the eating. That is, a person’s true colours will be shown only when they have to finally decide between their faith and their intellectual integrity.

For me, I didn’t think I had anything to be afraid of, so I learned and read and studied. I have always rejected the notion of censorship because, what does the truth have to fear?! That day unwittingly came upon me, though it was more a brief period of time than a specific day and it didn’t all happen consciously, when I had to either retreat back to the beliefs I’d always held, or reject them. By that time, I’d lost too many bricks in my wall of belief and it crumbled very quickly.

But I have argued with people online and in person, some of them very close to me, and I have seen the first cracks appearing in their wall; I have eliminated every argument they had; I have countered all the “reasons” and supposed evidence for their beliefs, to the point when logic had triumphed – they simply had nowhere else to run; there was no possible logical argument to give to support their belief. And then I’ve seen their eyes glaze over, the bricks in their wall get another coat of filler, and their desire to continue debating end. This is the acid test I referred to above. Want to know if your beliefs are really based on evidence or not? Then see what the evidence has to say! And if you still find yourself wanting to believe despite the evidence, then perhaps your belief was never based in evidence in the first place. It was based on your desire to believe. You wanted to believe, and whilst the evidence seemed to agree with you that was all fine and dandy. But when you discovered that what you thought was evidence was not, and what you thought was proof and reason were not, did you reconsider or run away?

My friend above recently had an e-mail conversation with a fundamentalist Christian. After both sides debunked the opponent’s positions and offered critiques and counter-arguments, one person was left with the same arguments and evidence unchallenged, and one person was left with their arguments and “evidence” debunked, resorting to “I believe” and “I know he exists” and “you will never convince me that the bible isn’t God’s word”. (I’ll leave you to decide which side is which). The funny thing is, this is quite a strong and irrational thing to say. Actually admitting to someone that nothing will ever change your mind is, to me, a concession! Even when I was a theist I would never say that because I honestly thought my position was logically unassailable. To acknowledge that you cannot be swayed by logic is the slightly less-playground version of sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting “la la la la la!”

However, it takes an actual logical argument and review of the evidence to find out what someone is really basing their beliefs on. Perhaps this is why religions discourage honest enquiry and peer-review? Could this be why fundamentalists are so ignorant – in a twisted way it’s not their fault: they really have no interest in the evidence at all so why would they bother looking at it? At least they’re being consistent, but then why even pretend there is evidence anyway? They may as well come out and say “I can’t find any problems with the theory of evolution, and I can’t really objectively prove that my God exists, but I’m going to believe in him anyway.”

The irony with religion (and other false beliefs) is that most of its claims are actually objective. If there is a god there should be evidence. If there are aliens where is the evidence? If people are really psychic then prove it. If faith healing works then reattach severed limbs. If evolution is rubbish then explain why. Evolution is one of the best scientific discoveries of all time – what part of it is hard for you to accept?

Is any book the word of God? This is an objective question. Let theists and atheists come together and establish some criteria. Then, with the rules set and no one allowed to flake on them, analyse the book. Unfortunately, this has been done countless times:

http://ebonmusings.org/atheism/pillows.html

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

…to name but two of myriad atheist articles on the internet that prove that no holy book can be the word of a divine being. (But they’re a good place to start).

Many wonder why the debate still goes on then if the facts are so obvious and dramatic. I’ll tell you why: one side of the debate will not accept the facts and the evidence. One side has a vested interest in their beliefs being right. One side has emotion and hope invested in their beliefs, not to mention control, power, and money. One side has a history of deception, superstition, ignorance, delusion, and oppression of opponents. One side will twist and distort the language and words of their own text so as not to appear contradictory or to justify any chosen course of action. One side has absolutely no problem with science until it says something that conflicts with its cherished notions, and then it insists that science change to match its beliefs!

And the other side is atheism.

This may sound like a simple case of tu quoque with theists and atheists pointing the finger at each other. But it really isn’t. When was the last time an atheist got to the point in a debate where they had to resort to faith? When was the last time an atheist ever said anything like “well, nothing will ever convince me that God exists?” It would be silly of me to claim knowledge of everything every atheist has ever said or done, but it almost certainly the case that this hasn’t happened. There is a very simple and powerful reason why this is so: atheism is usually the result of rationalism and critical thinking. For an atheist to use faith would be a contradiction of their worldview because faith is irrational. Theists have no such problem though! Faith is encouraged for them! If the going gets tough: faith. Having doubts about all the suffering in the world? Faith. Evidence for evolution indisputable? Faith. Atheists’ debunking of holy book unassailable? Faith.

As long as theists rely on faith their position is ultimately indefensible. This is because 1. Faith requires the rejection of logic and is the last resort of the desperate and 2. Faith is an admission that there is no evidence, e.g.: if God came down in the sky and revealed himself to all mankind, whether we accepted him or not, everyone would have to believe – so there would be no use for faith). (And we could add 3. Faith isn’t objective).

So if faith is irrational and basically a refusal to argue objectively, then what is its purpose? Why do theists start out handicapping themselves? Well, the simple answer is: because they have to! Faith only exists because there is no evidence or objective proof.

And this is why atheists will always defeat theists in arguments, because an argument is a logical proposition to support a position, and ultimately religion is rooted not in logic, but faith. And the further irony is that theists will of course disagree with me – but not on logical grounds!

So is there a solution? I don’t know. I don’t think so. Speaking for myself, when I had to make that decision, I chose reason over faith – it was a non-contest for me. In all fairness, I did it myself without being pressured or attacked. I never had to react defensively or feel my faith and beliefs being criticised by “evil” atheists. When atheists argue with theists for any length of time, theists are unavoidably going to feel uncomfortable if the discussion gets to the stage where the theist’s belief system is starting to shake. That can be a very scary feeling, and this is often why theists retreat even deeper into the belief system. It’s asking a lot for a theist to be deconverted in one conversation! But what is the alternative? In an ideal world anyone trapped by false beliefs would scrutinise them and free themselves. But then in an ideal world people wouldn’t be so deluded by their belief system that they fly planes into buildings, or set off bombs in schools, or try to change the law of the land to reflect their personal opinions.

Atheists keep speaking out, but not to deconvert. I think this point is lost on many people. Atheists speak out because some theists would change the way other people live their lives. If fundamentalists didn’t try to affect anyone else’s life, atheists probably wouldn’t bother saying anything. I cannot think of any atheist who actively sets out to deconvert people. At most, critical thinking, knowledge, and rationalism is encouraged – but this is just good advice. What results from these will be a multitude of good traits, and a lack of superstition and rejection of belief systems just two examples.

And apart from trying to counter the dangers and lies of organised religion that is trying to wield its power politically, atheists who are prepared to give their time and effort (and often money) to provide resources for other atheists or curious theists, are doing something special. If it wasn’t for websites like the Skeptic’s Dictionary, the Internet Infidels, or Ebon Musings, I might very well still be a theist. Becoming a rationalist is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know I am not alone there. Rationalism has had so many positive results for me – actual measurable, useful results that benefit me in every aspect of life. One result of thinking rationally was my rejection of gods, and that makes me an atheist. So most of the positives in my life I have as result of that, I owe to the websites above, and I know many other people have their own similar stories to tell. But if those places didn’t exist, many lives (such as mine) wouldn’t have gotten changed. There are hundreds of thousands of people who were trapped in their belief systems and have been freed because there were other people prepared to argue and debate with them. And when the facts and evidence were presented, the walls of faith came crashing down; the prison break from belief was complete. The deconvertees could just as easily have rejected the evidence and retreated to faith. But how could this be known in advance? Like I said above we’ll never know unless we try.

If believers want to be irrational, that’s their choice (as long as they don’t hurt anyone). But it’s important that everyone knows why: because the reason and the evidence isn’t on their side. Reason and evidence and objectivity are and ever shall be on the side of rationalists. One day, that might result in belief in god; a rationalist might also believe in psychic powers. But if it happens, it will be because the evidence proves it, and not because any belief system tells you “you must believe this, no matter what the evidence says”. And faith will not even enter into it. This flexibility to go wherever the evidence points, wherever the truth leads, is surely what every mind should yearn for: freedom! Rather than being bound by the mind shackles of dogmatic beliefs, why not just follow the evidence? If you already have the truth you have nothing to fear, and if you don’t you will acquire it. Sounds like a win-win situation to me!

My Exposure - Thu 19th Apr 07

There are plenty of examples in this society of people and companies exploiting other people’s ignorance and credulity. An excellent example of such a social parasite (but by no means the worst) is Derek Acorah. Derek Acorah is a self-professed spiritual medium who claims he first discovered his spiritual powers by communing with an Ethiopian from 1500 years in the past. (I would like to see Acorah translate ancient Ethiopian writing with no help whatsoever apart from the help of his ethereal friend).

Some people are ignorant. Some people really believe in a spiritual world. Some people are emotionally invested in a belief of divination. And some people are just plain gullible. The real thing all people (but especially these types) need is education. After all, you can never know too much; you can never be ignorant of too few things. But what Derek Acorah does is exploit people’s emotions, ignorance, and gullibility. He makes a very healthy living at the expense of other people, and offers nothing of substance in return. This is the very definition of parasite.

Acorah, like all “mediums” achieves his affects through cold-reading, the Forer effect, and/or simply fraud. Not only is this simply the best explanation, but every time anyone has been tested for supernatural or paranormal abilities in controlled conditions, they have failed, and any success they have in regular conditions can be dismissed by the three explanations above.

The irony I have discovered is that, if you dismiss spiritualism or the paranormal amongst lay-people (that is, people who have no strong opinions either way but lean towards the possibility of the occult, whilst having few critical thinking skills), you are considered close-minded, or perhaps arrogant to think that you have this life sussed; to be certain that there is nothing else beyond it.

This is an incredible irony because if critical thinking was applied, i.e.: if society was generally better educated, and fraudsters, horoscopes, and psychics were rigorously criticised the way other less-sensational issues are, people wouldn’t actually give conmen like Uri Gellar and Derek Acorah the time of day. (I say conmen, because they are either dishonest leaches, or belong in a mental institution – I think I’m being generous by using the former descriptor). So, contrary to the ultra-liberal “we can’t be too sure about everything to let’s say nothing in case we’re wrong or piss people off” politically-correct mentality that pervades society today, you have to remember that if you’re a sceptic and somebody suggests that you are close-minded or stubborn because you think the woman down the road who wears a dress made from leaves and listens to Enya all day can’t talk to your dead mother by using a glass sphere, this person doesn’t know what they’re talking about. They think you are stubborn and refuse to believe, but in reality they are the ignorant close-minded stubborn ones.

The proof? Ask any psychic to demonstrate their abilities in controlled conditions. I challenge anyone in the world to tell me something about a dead loved one, or myself, that they couldn’t have known from information fed back to me from myself, or a bit of deduction. A simpler way to do this when having a “reading” is: don’t talk! Say nothing! Show no reaction! See how well the medium does when he/she cannot get feedback from the mark or gain any insight into his/her fishing for clues.

Most “psychics” and “mediums” like Acorah are not interested in proving themselves to the world though. They paint a picture of tortured talents, rejected by the heartless “I’ll only believe if I see” scientific community. The reality is quite the opposite. And here is why: if any human being could really communicate with the dead, or apprehend knowledge from non-natural means, it would be one of the single most important discoveries in human history. It would change the way people interact and think, and change how we believe the world works. It might prevent a great many crimes (through predictive insight). We would probably have to introduce laws to make sure the psychically-gifted didn’t acquire information that they shouldn’t be privy to.

Why bother with archaeology and history? Clairvoyants could commune with the dead and tell us everything we need to know about the past. Where is Hitler’s ghost? Where is Napoleon’s ghost? Where is JFK’s ghost? Surely his immortal soul could reveal who really assassinated him? But they aren’t forthcoming are they? The world we see is not the world we should see if people like Acorah were genuine. Mediums reveal nothing of interest to the arts or sciences, only to emotional people who are desperate for a connection with a deceased one. Psychics tells us nothing about the human brain or telepathy, only that cold-reading can be very effective for reading body language to acquire information – but we know that anyway. No casino in the world bans psychics. Why? Because there is no need!

Psychics don’t win the lottery. Why not? And if it’s because they don’t want to use their “powers” for personal gain, (a laughable suggestion at best given their business), they could win the lottery and donate all the money to charity. But this never happens does it?

Compare Acorah, who uses his rather human skills for deception and exploitation, to another entertainer who uses similar skills (albeit better and broader) to please, baffle, stupefy, shock, scare, and enchant his audience. A disengagingly-charming man who freely admits he has no special power at all, and admits to sometimes deceiving to achieve his goals – but part of a being a magician is that the audience knows they are being deceived. I refer to Derren Brown. There are too few Derren Browns in the entertainment world and far too many Derek Acorahs.

Doesn’t Derek Acorah give people hope and happiness? Don’t people like him touch peoples’ lives? Perhaps they do. If a lie is cathartic then may the victim never know the truth. But whose decision is that to make? What right does anyone have to exploit another human being on the grounds that “it will make them feel better”? For the lie to be effective anyway, the person can never know the truth, which requires keeping them ignorant and deluded. Again, is this really in the person’s best interest, and either way, who makes that decision in the first place? Surely not the victim! Do we grant the exploiter the role of judge, jury and executor?

Let us return briefly to the issue of proof. It is not my job to prove that “psychics” and “mediums” are liars, although I happen to think most of them are. (I say most and not all because it’s possible some “mediums” out there really believe they have special abilities.) I work in the pharmaceutical industry, where the tests and trials for drugs are rigorous: a company cannot bring a drug out with supposed benefits A, B, C, if it cannot clinically prove the efficacy of said drug. False advertising in most industries is a crime. Why are these demanding tests not applied to people and businesses that make a fortune out of cheating people out of their money?

If a person wants to advertise their ability to read minds or speak to the dead in exchange for money, that is, if they want to make a business from it, they should have to prove this ability beyond a reasonable doubt. What do they have to fear? It is not everyone else’s job to prove them wrong – it is their job to prove themselves right. The burden of proof is on them.

And yet, all Acorah can come up with is a deserted house with the lights off, leading a group of people who are already susceptible to his spurious bullshit abilities around, pretending to be in union with a spirit, with spooky music playing. His game of scare amounts to no more than children’s stories, or when you turn the lights off on your younger sibling and try to freak them out by making frightening sounds or telling imaginative tales. But these are grown adults we are talking about. Acorah is making a lot of money, not just by being an over-rated cheat, but by exploiting people and pretending to have powers that he simply doesn’t have. This is unfair, but also a slap in the face to anyone who respects hard work, and making a living the honest way. People like Acorah are losers. They couldn’t make it in life with real jobs, so they had to resort to using what skills they had to get rich quick at the expense of the ignorant and emotionally vulnerable.

Just to put another electronic nail in the coffin of this selfish obnoxious buffoon, here are two links which highlight that, even for a “medium”, Acorah isn’t particular impressive and even less honest:

http://www.randi.org/jr/200511/111105derek.html#i1

http://www.doublexposure.co.uk/

I don’t like the idea of telepathy, mediumship, or clairvoyance. I don’t like it because it is so flagrantly false. (I might be proven wrong, but I don’t think I will be. I don’t like to beat around the bush and I’m not afraid of nailing my colours to the mast. I welcome argument. I welcome reason. If I am proved wrong, great! I’ll freely admit it.) The reason I dislike these things so much is because they are based, not on evidence, reason, logic, understanding, or intelligence, but because they are based on faith, superstition, ignorance, deceit, and delusion. I cannot possibly see what long-term good can come from the perpetuation of the latter.

If these things did no harm, and if people like Derek Acorah hurt no one, I could live with my distaste. But my distaste is based solely on the effect superstition and faith have on people and society. When people like Acorah rake in millions for being a fraud and lying to people, and another single mother has to work three jobs just to pay the bills, I feel society is really losing out. And individuals are losing out. Real people are being fed a lie, that their loved ones are still alive and watching over them. As comforting as this can be – (the notion of eternal life appeals to everyone!), that doest make it right; it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a lie.

Parasites like Acorah might better be described as symbiants, because they do meet demand with supply. As long as people believe in the supernatural because they don’t know any better, there will be those like Acorah to take advantage of that ignorance. From an evolutionary point of view, this places mediums somewhere alongside pathogens and viruses. This is rather apt, since most mediums have the conscience and morality of a pathogen or virus.

The short term solution? Demand controlled tests for anyone who tries to make a living out of offering a product or service. And it doesn’t have to be psychics; some companies will sell you ordinary household products on the notion that they have special metaphysical powers. Why are these companies allowed to operate unfettered? I have no idea.

The long term solution? The mass media should stop sensationalising the paranormal and supernatural, and have a modicum of scepticism and responsibility. Critical thinking and scepticism should be taught in schools – there are no possible disadvantages to this and society has everything to gain. Remember – there is nothing to fear from the truth. If a product works, it works. If a claim is true, it is true. If someone cannot prove what they are claiming, they do not deserve to make that claim.

Critical thinking solves so many problems and has absolutely no side-effects. It educates people. It enlightens people. It restricts the operation of fakes and exploiters. It promotes understanding and respect. And these things better mankind, and better society.

Somehow I think the likes of Derek Acorah don’t care one bit about that.

My Friggatriskaidekaphobia - Fri 13th Apr 07

Warm summery evenings. The sound of birds tweeting outside. Lazy evening naps. Being woken up by the sound of kids playing outside. Kids can scream pretty loudly; more so with an airgun pellet to the face.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t have any irrational phobias, or I don’t expect bad things on this particular day, or maybe it’s because I’m the spawn of Satan himself, but Friday the 13ths are usually good days for me. At least I can’t remember having a bad one.

Of course, that doesn’t really mean anything, because I think that Friday the 13ths tend to be good days for me, I’m no different to people who think the day is unlucky, evil, or occultish somehow. What’s really happening is that if you have certain expectations or presuppositions of something (or someone), even unconsciously, you’ll tend to look for the things that support them and dismiss the ones that don’t.

It’s like when you have a lucky charm; (most people do at some point in their lives, especially when young). Humans are inherently creatures of magical thinking. There is actually a very good evolutionary reason for this but I won’t go into it here. Our brains are wired to infer connections and links between events. Sometimes it backfires though because we start to see links that aren’t there. For instance, you play crap without your lucky necklace, then put it on and enter “the zone”. You kiss the turf before stepping onto the football field and play well, but when you don’t kiss the turf you don’t seem to play as good! You’ve had a few bad days forgetting to take your lucky stone with you then when you take it your day is all sunshine and flowers. Your headache gets worse and worse until you put on your New Age therapy headset and it goes away. Your cancer suddenly goes into remission after you pray to God.

These are all symptoms of Event B occurring after Event A. But, just because one event happens after another, doesn’t make them related. Of course, when it’s put like this it seems obvious! It seems like common sense; so simple. And, really it is. But it’s hard to use cold rational logic when a link seems so strong. Believing that Event B is related to Event A because one happened after the other is a fallacy known as post hoc ergo propter hoc.

For example, if Event B: your favourite team wins on the same day of Event A: you forget to shower in the morning, you are very unlikely to think anything of it! But what if Event B was: someone close to you dying, and Event A was: you had a dream of them dying.

Wouldn’t that mean something? That surely would prove some kind of connection wouldn’t it?!

The truth is, no. Because the event was so personal and the link seemingly so strong (i.e.: on the same day), it would be very hard for a non-critical thinker to see this as anything other than a prophecy; a true vision of the future.

But what if the dream came a week before? Or a month. Or a year. What about ten years? Still as strong do you think? Well, the events that cause someone’s death have no memory or knowledge; they are random occurrences that have unwittingly combined to kill someone, for example in a car crash. The truth is, the “link” is just as meaningful if the “prediction” comes a day before, or ten years before. And when I say meaningful, I mean meaningless; because there is no link.

The odds of winning the lottery are enormous. But somebody somewhere will win it. There are 6 billion people on this planet, most of them sleeping every night and having several dream themes a night. The odds that people will have dreams, and some of those dreams will coincide with actual events is not only probable, it’s actually to be expected! In fact, it would be strange if people never had predictive dreams! Think about that.

Humans are good at seeing patterns that agree with what they think, and ignoring contrary patterns. The technical term is subjective validation and it basically works like this: if I believe in UFOs, my mind is automatically more open to their existence than evidence to the contrary. So if I see a strange spot in the sky, I might think “that’s them!”, or either way it might reinforce my belief. If I already believe in ghosts and feel someone in the room with me, or see something that I can’t explain, I will likely feel “visited”, but either way it will strengthen what I already believe. Ever wonder why sceptics never see ghosts? Or why Muslims never feel Jesus? Why do Christians never ever feel the presence of Allah or Vishnu, only of Jesus? They can’t all be right after all! Yet, religious people consistently report “revelation” of their own God and no one else’s. That’s strange isn’t it? Well, no, because we have an explanation: subjective validation.

To apply it in practice, let’s look at the examples of magical thinking above: you play crap without your lucky necklace then play well with it on. But are you keeping track of all the times you have played well without it? And if the lack of a necklace is playing on your mind then you might not play well anyway. Even an imaginary problem can be real in your mind. What about other lucky charms? How many bad days have you had with the lucky charm? A lot I would think! But, when you have a bad day, do you come home and throw the charm away? No. You’re more likely to not even notice the significance! But if tomorrow you win the lottery or get laid (whichever is the most unlikely) you will probably thank the charm!

I’ll mention one more thing that explains some baffling events. This is actually very interesting, and easy to understand. It’s called regression. Let’s use an example above: you put on your New Age therapy headset when your headache gets bad, and it goes away. Or, you do a rain dance when the drought is at its worse and it rains; you perform a solstice festival on the darkest day of the year and the sun slowly starts to return.

But, we know that headaches come and go. We know that rain comes and goes, and droughts won’t last forever. In fact, you are more likely to do a rain dance when things are at the very worst – but logically this is after the drought has been going on a long time, which means it has far less time to go before the rain comes! Pure common sense. And we know that the seasons mean that we get less sun in the winter, progressively so. It gets darker and darker and darker to the point where we have the shortest day in winter (round about Dec 21^st). But once a cycling event reaches its perigee or apogee, it will start to come back the other way. You are more likely to try out a useless contraption when your headache is at its worse, but natural fluctuations dictate that it can only get better after this point anyway! If you’re playing bad at snooker, you might try a lucky charm, but assuming you’re at a certain standard, your average will not deviate too much from that standard. So if you hit ten awful shots in a row, the odds strongly suggest that the next one will be better anyway, whether you use a lucky charm or not. Things like cancer do go into remission. In desperation people try out a lot of worthless junk to make it go away. When it doesn’t go away, the person dies, and no one is around to tell the story of failure. When it goes away (naturally, by itself), the fake therapy/prayer is given the credit.

 

Personally, I find it pretty easy to see the holes in other people’s arguments and beliefs, because I don’t share them. I can be more objective than them because I have no vested interest in the outcome. This isn’t because I’m better or more intelligent, indeed there are many “believers” out there who are smarter than me, but everyone is limited by their preconceptions, even sceptics like me.

Sometimes people deliberately ignore evidence and reason (like a lot of creationists), but very often they simply don’t take any notice because the filtering software in their brain doesn’t process it fully. This, unfortunately, is the nature of the human mind; it’s imperfect. I’ve been a victim of it and I’ve also seen victims of it.

Fortunately, there is a solution. It’s called critical thinking, and it consists of knowledge about how logic works, common sense, and examining beliefs (especially our own) objectively and rationally. It requires no special skill, and anyone can learn it. It sits in your mind like a mental checkpoint, evaluating what you see and hear, like a mailbox filter, and automatically raises a red flag whenever somebody says something like “I saw my dead grandmother the other night” or “my dream came true” or “there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq although we can’t present the evidence”.

If I could give one piece of advice (apart from my Insecurity blog the other day), it would be this: learn critical thinking. It will be invaluable in every single aspect of your life, and unlike a lot of self-help trends that come and go, it will never go out-of-date or lose its importance. In fact, in a time when irrationality and superstition appear to be getting stronger in some parts of the world, it might become more important than ever.

My Message to the Messengers - Thu 5th Apr 07

Here we go again. Another supernatural thriller movie. Zzzzzzz. Just like the teen “comedy” that comes out every year, the perennial Gladiator / Roman / Troy / Spartan CGI-generated million people fighting each other, cheesy action-blockbuster, or “romcom”, the supernatural thriller movie is another in a long line of regurgitated clichéd shit that Hollywood excretes every year.

“THE MESSENGERS” – (cue man who puts on the same deep voice for eeeevvvveeeerrrry fucking film that comes out).

There’s a kid who can see things no one else can. Sound familiar? There’s lots of screaming. Lots of shocked looks. Bit of eerie lighting. Play some creepy music. Oooooh!!! Am I supposed to be scared yet? Yet people just horde around this garbage like flies around shit. Ghosts from the past are tormenting people of the present in the same house. That’s not been done before has it? The crows are actually some kind of supernatural avengers for the good guys (well duh!), and the bad guy gets dragged away by spirits and sort of melts into the shadows. Where have I seen that before?

What do I know though? Hollywood doesn’t make films to tell stories. It makes films to make money. The Messengers made over $14.5m in its first week. And I’m sure the next supernatural “thriller” that comes out will make at least as much. And same for the next one.

I think the secret to so many rubbish films (read: 99% of which are supernatural movies) being successful is because they appeal to all the true-believers and wishers out there. The headline says it all:

THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF DOCUMENTED CASES OF CHILDREN REPORTING SUPERNATURAL ACTIVITY!

Ooooh! I’m captivated! Because the media in general has a good reputation for not embellishing any story that sounds good or playing up to peoples’ ignorance if it means making a lot of money, doesn’t it?

My new movie is coming out soon:

-DÉJÀ VU ABOUT MESSENGERS OF 13 GHOSTS WITH SIGNS OF THE UNDEAD THING FROM THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL 2: What lies beneath the shining of the Amityville horror of beetlejuice that knows what you did last summer-

And the promo-script (just imagine that annoying deep voice guy saying it):

“Are you afraid of death? Do you believe in Tarot cards and psychics and crystal-healing? Do you really want to believe that spirits are talking to you, or perhaps you’re convinced that crop-circles are really caused by intelligent life centuries ahead of mankind that has nothing better to do than travel one-thousand light-years just to sneak down in the middle of the night and piss off the local farmer by landing their spaceship in the middle of the cornfield? Wonder why your kid keeps making strange noises and looking past you? It’s not because of ADD or Tourette’s, or the fact you smoked whilst having him or dropped him on his head twice – could it be “visitors” (ooooh!) from the nether world trying to communicate with him? Or perhaps you’re one of those “this life can’t be all there is!” types which of course means because you don’t like the fact that you will die one day, life seems sooo much more magical if you get to come back as a ghost and do what all the other ghostfolk do, namely: almost-kinda-sort of appearing to people who already believe in ghosts when they’re half-asleep or mentally incapacitated?

Well this film is for you! It’ll satisfy all those wishful yearnings of yours about ghosts and the spirit realm and not make you feel so bad about spending £1000 on a pair of healing crystals with ‘Takionics Inc’ written on them.

Feeling a bit down that your yin and yang don’t seem to be balanced? This film has your name on it! Wondering why ‘nana-from-beyond’ doesn’t seem to be able to provide the clairvoyant with any real information that the clairvoyant couldn’t have known herself? This film will assuage all your doubts! There are ghosts! Honestly! Oh you can’t see them, only kids can. Of course.

Had a spooky dream that came true, (even though most people use the loo at least once a day anyway) or find that that déjà vu feeling that definitely isn’t caused by natural brain functions just won’t go away? This film will provide a nice magical little explanation for it all.”

(This blog isn’t over just yet by the way. Go get yourself a cup of coffee coz tonight’s gonna be a large one!)

You know what else pisses me off (I’m pissed off by the way)? Check out this description of upcoming film 1408 (another fluid-product of Stephen King’s mental masturbation):

“Mike Enslin (John Cusack) is a celebrity author of the paranormal, riding high on the success of his last three published works while trying to cope with the loss of his young daughter (Jasmine Jessica Anthony). Because of this tragedy, Mike has thrown himself into his work, proving that supposed supernatural myths are nothing more than a fabricated hoax. All of this has turned him into a man truly immune to what he hears about such haunted legends. On one such venture, Enslin discovers room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel in New York City, a supposedly haunted room with a horrific past. Eager to expose it just as another hoax, he eagerly reserves the room, against the protests of hotel manager Mr. Olin (Samuel L. Jackson), who is aware of the notorious history that accompanies 1408 and who has seen his fair share of what’s happened there. But despite Olin’s warnings, Mike won’t listen and will have to find out for himself what 1408 is all about. As Mike Enslin is about to learn, not everything is just a rumor and some things are better left undiscovered, when the terrifying myth might turn out to be the real thing.”

Richard Dawkins, great man that he is, has said something incredibly astute that I shall paraphrase here. It also has the unfortunate benefit of being true!